


No Homo

by Theevilyoung (orphan_account)



Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Boys Kissing, Grinding, M/M, stop me, theyre totally homo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Theevilyoung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete wants Patrick. But he isn't gay. And neither is Patrick. So he goes to the King of Gays, Gabe Saporta for advice to win over Patrick's heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Homo

no homo- a peterick epic by professional not-poet theevilyoung

One day, pete npat were at this really cool concert (for free bc they're famous and like everyone in the entire bandom is there bc thats how fanfics fuckin work which is crazy and petes like “yo gabe can u set me up with patrick like i need a rlly good plan to get with him and ur like the only person i can ask who wont judge me bc ur so cool and suave and like your the only one here whos gay” which everyone knows is a lie because hello clearly every1 is homo for each other bandom is this huge gay orgy. but anyways

gabes like “sure bc ur my fave amigo ur like my off bc will is my bf and theres a difference. I have the best way to get with patrick bc i am the #1 matchmaker in the city of chicago/la/????(where tf even r they tbh) but you already knew that. but idk if ur up for it”

but pete knows hes ready for love so he begs gabe to tell him and gabe gives in bc hes so generous and basically his plans like:

“so what u gotta do is simple right: u gotta be like super homo with patrick right? so basically what u do on a daily basis, but like more bc this is the next level. u cant slack in this plan right only the most homo will do. So once you start getting real gay, like i mean ur gonna be like palming him through his jeans not any of that weird licking his neck shit u did back then like ur a human not a vampire 16 candles was years ago its 2016 not 2006 ok?”

Pete frowns bc this is an insult to him no wonder patrick didn't like him he was kink shaming him before the relationship even started rip. 

“so basically once ur there patricks probe gonna be questioning you right? but you just gotta keep going. Look him straight in the eyes and whisper to him, ‘no homo’ and keep doing that overtime he asks right. bc everyone knows that “no homo” means ur not gay duh so hell be super comfy and you will have the boy of ur dreams. its that simple. no strings attached.” 

Pete gasps at gabe in awe bc why hadn't he thought of that before? that is an amazing plan! but then he remembers thats why gabe is the number 1 matchmaker in ever and so he thanks gabe by kissing him straight on the lips and leaves before whispering “no homo bro” and winking. Gabe is impressed bc pete went kissed him wow now thats what i call hot™.

so then pete goes to find patrick and hes like “hey babe” and pats like “ew pete im not GAY wow i can't believe u would say that i thought we agreed on no more fan service u absolute dick.” but then pete silences him with a kiss and patrick shuts up bc wow pete is hella at kissing damn. Pete pulls away and tells patrick,

“no homo man i know lol im not gay either i have a gf im so str8 it hurts”

patrick is like “phhew man i was worried i was like pete i have a wife and im straight too but u said no homo so its ok”

pete knew he had scored big time. He grinned at patrick and pulled him closer. they started to grind against each other. Patrick moans.

“god pete” he says, “youre so……” he moans again.

“no homo tho” pete replies.

“no homo.”


End file.
